Was it real(ity) or a dream ?

I am all set to confess here that something is wierd in my dreams. It is back to one of those good old days of having haunted dreams, and when you wake up in the morning hoping that nothing serious has happened, only for you to find out the nostalgics of living thru such dreams is a dreadful experience. I am anxious to figure out how these dreams fit into the exact place miles before it was supposed to happen that way.


Before getting into this I should say that am really impressed with S's blog only for her mere taste for words and I am a fan of her writings. I admit I do learn a lot from her. I found a tamil cription on the right panel that motivated to me to see what that stands for. "மனதின் வார்ைதகள்". When I digged deep into it, I got stuck on this blog about Ph.D . I am definitely a victim to this thought and was laughing at myself after reading thru this. I frankly admit that the only thought process that keeps me driving is this."I am unworthy of doing a PhD”, “My supervisor is soon going to find out that I am not capable of doing research”, “I am going to be thrown out of the grad school soon”. A satisfied feeling of not being lonely in this world with this syndrome made my day today.


'T' started freaking out one day about a day dream that she had. I consoled her saying usually day dreams aren't and will never have any effect on the real life. But I am not quite sure if thats the same with the dreams we have in the night. Think about how often would you wake up in the middle of the night just because you didnt wanna see the next scene of the film running in your dream. I have had horrible incidents like that in the past. For a moment, I thought that frequency has decreased owing to the incredible 'busy'ness of my life this fall.


Due to my poor memory of remembering dates, I had frequently checked the brithday reminder of one of my closest friend "Sheikh" just in case not to miss it. I knew I am still a day ahead and that night I had this terrible dream where I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere standing right next to my friend, who was receiving birthday gifts from all around the world except from me. He turns his face towards me and with a gentle smile in his face reckoning that I obviously forgot to get a gift for him. I'd rather spend the whole day with him, instead of reminiscing that scintillating moment throughout the day. I soon woke up realising that I am atleast a good 2,00,00.. (dunno how many 0's to addd) miles away from him. That morning, quickly checked my mail just to ensure that I really didint miss his bday and so was it. The following night, I saw him online and wished him just to find myself in a curse. Apparently, his bday was the previous day and my birthday alarm was showing a false date. I narrated my dream and he laughed aloud in the office, when I was screaming at myself for having such a dream.


I made a bold faced full stop to my investigations into it and got back into my bed with a sultry feeling. After couple of nights, I saw somebody vomitting just before my eyes. May be for some reasons am either closely related to that person or may be not,I went to help out and in my futile attempt to avoid cleaning, I found myself spoiling my hands. Just that moment I realised it was another dream. The next day, I panicked when I heard from 'L', that indeed it so happened that way to her because of eating outside. I cursed myself and that triggered me to understand little closely about dreams and why do they arise. Atleast till date, I haven't tried to make sense out of dreams but I have always wondered why is it that it never made any sense. Especially those ocassional night dreams after I succesfully crack an exam, those few mistakes which might have made me loose a couple of marks, those boomeranging epsilon and delta's would come dilly-dallying before my eyes would annoy me, finally, leading me to the obvious solution that dreams can't be interpreted.


Does dream ever make sense ? If it never does, then why in first place it arises ? Why do you have this feeling that you have already seen this somewhere, when you get stumbled upon soemthing thats hard and unreasonable in life to believe. I am not quite sure if I have found a open question in my research, but I am sure of having found one here for my life. !!!!